“It’s time to put myself first over the feelings of everyone else.” This was something I thought I would never say because I’ve always cherished friendships and relationships like a beautiful, thin glass ornament that may break into a million pieces if I moved it wrongly by an inch. For so long, I let the opinions of my “friends” define me, until their voices grew louder than my own and I lost sight of who I truly am.
One of the most profound things I’ve learned through my journey is that only people who truly belong in your life will stand by you — keep you going, especially through your worst times. They won’t blame you or harbor resentment over petty little fights because the thought of you slipping away from their lives is what scares them the most. But sometimes, we finally hear a bell, telling us that time is up. Most friendships or relationships aren’t worth fighting for anymore because you start to hear their ego speak, “hurt them because they hurt you.” Now this, this is not who I am, and I had to learn it in the most brutal way possible.
I understand that there are friendships I have left because they’re rotten – and bridges I had to burn because of choices I’ve made that aren’t favorable to some but putting myself first wasn’t easy. I had to face hard truths, hurt others unintentionally, and grow in ways with the consequence of solitude. Don’t mistake my choices for ease; those were the battles I had to face for the longest time to allow myself freedom, along with my brokenness.
If you’re still here, let me share what I’ve uncovered through years of shadow work, not to inspire you or find any resolution with what I have to say, but at least to make room in your mind to start accepting that there are things that aren’t in your control anymore.
Move on and don’t look back. Resentment gets you nowhere.
Living in the past weighs you down and hinders you from meeting the higher version of yourself. It’s like carrying a big sack full of regrets, envy, and a bunch of unnecessary “what ifs.” You unintentionally block off possibilities and growth that could help you live your greatest life when you are constantly reliving past events in your head. Letting go is deciding to move on in spite of the wounds; it does not imply forgetting. Staying mad or having hate in your heart for the rest of your life? You’ll eventually see how much you’ve missed out on the love that was willing to present itself to you with open arms.
Be okay with unfinished business and expired friendships.
Sometimes we don’t always have the luxury of closure. If you lack the confidence to face the person who has harmed you, learn to live with the consequences. Unresolved problems, silent regrets, and broken friendships don’t have to define your story and affect your journey in meeting new people. Growth occurs when you begin to find inner serenity and cease looking to other people for approval. Even the smoothest ride can lead to the wrong destination—learn to get off the train when it no longer aligns with where you’re meant to go. Not everything has to have a happy ending; sometimes the resolution you seek is found in acceptance.
Forgiveness doesn’t require the other person.
It’s common for some people to hold grudges after losing the bond you both once had. Sometimes, after quarrels rooted in the present or the past, we struggle to see eye to eye with others—and it’s the bitterness that lingers long after the conflict fades. Waiting for the other person to make things right is like waiting for a dead cocoon to turn into a butterfly; unaware that it died in the process, yet you still wait for it to shed. You don’t need their apology to find peace—true forgiveness starts and ends with you.
Envy is always disguised as gossip.
Those who spew negativity or make small jabs about your name are frequently projecting their own fears. Even if they are unaware of the whole extent of your hardships behind closed doors, they are envious of seeing you trying to achieve small wins. People struggle when you’re not the reflection of their own dark and troubled spirit. Keep in mind that their statements reveal more about them than about you. Concentrate on your path, knowing that you have overcome obstacles they could never have imagined. Everyone has their way of coping, but needing to destroy another person isn’t healing; it’s wanting revenge, and revenge is a fool’s game. You will only ever find yourself tripping from your own untied shoelaces.
Protect your inner peace.
True peace comes internally. No one’s presence or absence can rock your foundation when you are firmly anchored in who you are. Relationships will evolve, and people will come and go. The one thing that never changes is your relationship with yourself. You’ll discover that when you strengthen that connection, the external is less able to disrupt your inner peace.
Your ill will is yours to face – so shall it be.
What you put out into the universe will come back to you—tenfold. Take a minute to consider your words and actions if it seems like everything is coming apart. Be aware of your energy because karma has a way of bringing things into balance. Remember that balance is not something you can control fully—it’s accepting and learning to flow with it like ripples in water. You can never mess with a person who has done shadow work because these are the people who acknowledge their repressed emotions, repetitive patterns, or toxic traits that we tend to deny or reject in ourselves. They’ve confronted their darker sides and learned to accept all parts of themselves—both the light and the shadow.
Moving on does not mean forgetting the past but rather recognizing it while deciding to go forward. It’s a modest act of bravery to let go of what no longer serves you even if it involves breaking off a piece of who you once were. Despite all that, be grateful for the messy and uncomfortable road of rediscovery. As you heal, you will notice that the route ahead becomes clearer and that the person you are becoming feels more at ease. Trust that each ending paves the path for a more beautiful beginning.
I still have a lot of work to do and I’m going to see it through. Ikaw ba?
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